What's Worse?

I am so ashamed. For the past half hour I have been thrashing around my apartment half in tears, half hysterical. I have been listening to The Fray's How to Save a Life repeatedly until melting into a slump on the floor. Why the theatrics? Some break-up, death or major loss? No, the kids at school are mean to me. I know how stupid this is, but for the past 18 months I have been back in school full time and I don't see anyone all day except these 19 year old fuckers. I can' t help but wonder if it was all that bad being a truck stop waitress. At least, was the cutest, smartest and most charming. Now I am the oldest, lamest and most annoying.

The only friends I have live states and time-zones away. They are more pen pals than friends now anyway. I have no one to talk to and it is starting to build up. It is normally not THIS big of a deal. Okay, I am not in my 20's anymore. I am pretty proud of that actually. These fucktard little shits all treat me like an antique, or a bitch and the latest some nagging mom figure. I want to quit. At least when I had no aspirations except which cocktails I was going to drink after pulling a double, I felt that false sense of belonging that you get from dive bars. I miss that. Again, I was a barfly, but I was the cutest, the smartest and most likely to do something like go to college.

There are worse things to be than a 30 year old truck stop waitress surrounded by drunken heros that adore her. Like for instance, a 30 year old student with no allies, alone in the collegiate wasteland where group work is the latest competitive tool to get you to kill each other.

I am a cry baby. It is just built up. I don't even know what about today stands out. The sucking just got really shitty today.