I am officially brain fried from writing my speech for tomorrow, and reading way too much about the making of The Joy Luck Club. I have hit a bit of a lull in the middle of this book and it is rough. I did make it to page 214, so I am satisfied with that for tonight. I am going to read my BUST magazine and watch The Next Food Network Star.

So far I recommend The Pilgrimage to hippie types that like the Carlos Casteneda-type stuff, and The Opposite of Fate to people who love Amy Tan, I mean reallly love Amy Tan.

Outta Mind

I didn't make a ton of progress today. I wrote my speech and went to see Blades of Glory. It was very funny. I had a wonderful day with my fella, and I didn't think too much about this daunting task. I did, however, buy 5 books at Goodwill.

I am on page 101 of the Amy Tan book as of 8:21 pm. I plan on reading a little bit more, but my TIVO is getting jealous. I have my stories to catch up on, not to mention my latest addiction to ER reruns. For some reason I am a sucker for a show once it is in syndication and I can see whole seasons in a weekend. I will watch a marathon of anything.

I had forgotten how much I love Amy Tan. I haven't read her most recent book, yet. I have missed her. Next I will have to read something light, these rich, soul searching books are making me feel heavy.

Nighty Night

Good Morning

Okay, The next book is a little on the hefty side, but I was so excited to get it at the $1.00 store. It will be rough to lug around so, hopefully I can finish the bulk of it this weekend, and not have to schlep it uphill to school with me next week.

I have a speech to give on Monday and a test Tuesday, so we can't expect a miracle. I am making today a reading day, and tomorrow homework day. Then I will fill in the cracks with the rest of my life somehow. I am hoping to develop some serious multitasking tools.

Book Project
Book 2: The Opposite of Fate- Amy Tan pages 398

Progress

Okay, I am a little behind where I wanted to be already, but I did make some progress. The Pilgrimage got way too hippie mystical for my taste, thus slowing me down. But I have soldiered through and will be finished tonight. Tomorrow morning I will announce book 2.

Today was rough, I have realized that some days I may not feel like reading. Also I remembered reading once that it is better to know 1 book intimately than many fleetingly. Maybe I am not paying these books the respect they deserve. I will keep all this in mind. It is important that I enjoy, learn and absorb some of the books I read.

Everything in our surroundings reflected an uneasy peace, the peace of a world that was still in the process of growing and being created- a world that seemed to know that, in order to grow, it had to continue moving along, always moving along. Great earthquakes and killer storms might make nature seem cruel, but I could see that these were just the vicissitudes of being on the road. Nature itself journeyed, seeking illumination. The Pilgrimage

I went to a used bookstore tonight and stocked up for the weeks ahead, suggestions are welcome but keep in mind, I have many reasons for not choosing to read certain books. (length, already read, etc..)

The Morning After...

Well, this morning I thought better of this idea. I figured that it wasn't so important after all, and that it was ridiculous. And then.....none other than Julie Powell commented on this blog. I was giddy and starstruck and also felt a horrible sense of dread. Now I really feel this sense of a mission.

My people and I are in the process of coming up with guidelines which I will post at some point. I need some basic rules to make it all fair.

Today went well, I am on page 150 and still have a couple hours to read tonight. The Pilgrimage is hokey in ways and beautiful in others. It isn't my cup of tea, but it is worth reading for some of the life observations.

Project

I am a notorious list maker. Books I have read, movies I want to see, clothing I will buy as soon as I graduate, etc... I have always had to write things down to think clearly or get my head straight. I have mountains of un-done to-do lists and years worth of music that I still haven't downloaded. It is a crying shame I am not a great writer because writing has been the great constant in my life. The list making habit is harmless, I never feel guilt or remorse about my unfinished tasks, it is the process.

But I just finished reading Julie and Julia by Julia Powell. This book struck a nerve with me. I read it in 2 days and cried through the last 15 pages. I was crying because it was so poignant and meaningful to me right now. I am 30, I feel useless and tired most of the time, and I want so much to accomplish something for myself. I admire her so much. When I was finished with the book I felt this horrible emptiness, like I had shared in this endeavor, but had felt none of the accomplishment.

The next morning (this morning) I was entering my "read" books into the goodreads website and I realized that I had read 72 books in a little over a year. I am not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I read like a champ. I was wondering if I should try for 100 this year. Say by next 4th of July. I also wonder if there are others out there that were inspired by Julie to challenge themselves.

So I am going to challenge myself. I am not taking this too seriously; after all, I have been in college for 12 years. I am not exactly someone who finishes things. But now I have written it down, and told my boyfriend (who incidently bought me 5 books today) I will have a few cheats, a few graphic novels, a few kids books, but I will try to balance it out with some biggies too like Infinite Jest and Mason/Dixon.

I don't think I will make it, but what if I do? How would that feel?

Book Project
Book 1: The Pilgrimage- Paul Coehlo pages-265

What's Worse?

I am so ashamed. For the past half hour I have been thrashing around my apartment half in tears, half hysterical. I have been listening to The Fray's How to Save a Life repeatedly until melting into a slump on the floor. Why the theatrics? Some break-up, death or major loss? No, the kids at school are mean to me. I know how stupid this is, but for the past 18 months I have been back in school full time and I don't see anyone all day except these 19 year old fuckers. I can' t help but wonder if it was all that bad being a truck stop waitress. At least, was the cutest, smartest and most charming. Now I am the oldest, lamest and most annoying.

The only friends I have live states and time-zones away. They are more pen pals than friends now anyway. I have no one to talk to and it is starting to build up. It is normally not THIS big of a deal. Okay, I am not in my 20's anymore. I am pretty proud of that actually. These fucktard little shits all treat me like an antique, or a bitch and the latest some nagging mom figure. I want to quit. At least when I had no aspirations except which cocktails I was going to drink after pulling a double, I felt that false sense of belonging that you get from dive bars. I miss that. Again, I was a barfly, but I was the cutest, the smartest and most likely to do something like go to college.

There are worse things to be than a 30 year old truck stop waitress surrounded by drunken heros that adore her. Like for instance, a 30 year old student with no allies, alone in the collegiate wasteland where group work is the latest competitive tool to get you to kill each other.

I am a cry baby. It is just built up. I don't even know what about today stands out. The sucking just got really shitty today.