Existential Crisis

I really love being 30. I know it isn't like I changed over night when my birthday came, but I am really noticing myself lately. I know this probably isn't a positive thing for most people. I guess it is easy to think that your hips were smaller, your hair was thicker, you were much cooler when you were 18, 23, 25. I don't know, I just feel more like me, than I have before. I feel less apologetic, but more open. Less critical, but more observant. I don't feel like I have any obligation to change the world or change anyone. It is a very comfortable place to be.

I have returned to school full time, so I am around people in their "prime" all day, and I am so thankful I am who I am now and not worried about approval from my peers. Hell, my own peers, gave up on me long ago. My own peers have their own businesses and families, I have neither. Not that I would change things. I am pretty glad that things are the way they are. And I am glad I am who I am, but I never thought that day would come.

I think women are so beautiful as they age and I finally get to join in that process. I do feel more beautiful at 30. Actually, I feel more everything at 30. I feel more. I really try to make the things I do and say genuine and I am aware of the things around me. I hate to sound like Oprah, but I am trying to live mindfully and focus on my lifa as I live it instead of just going on autopilot for the next 50 years.